The Anatomy of a Romance Scam: How Fast They Ask, What Victims Lose, and Who They Tell

Romance scams don't always unfold over months of carefully built trust. In many cases, scammers move quickly, asking for money within days and leaving lasting financial and emotional damage behind.

To better understand how these scams unfold, Cloaked surveyed more than 1,000 U.S. adults who had been targeted by a romance scam and paired those findings with FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center data to examine the states reporting the biggest losses. 

Key Takeaways

• The average romance scam turned from first contact to a request for money in just 11 days.
• 56% of romance scam victims never recovered a single dollar of what they lost.
• 64% of romance scam victims say the scam damaged their ability to trust anyone new.
• 1 in 3 victims told no one about the scam, and 74% hid it from their family.
• Montana ranks first in the nation for reported losses from romance and relationship scams ($1,191,956 per 100,000 residents).

How Fast Romance Scammers Ask for Money

• The average romance scam turned from first contact to a request for money in just 11 days.
• Gen Z is targeted fastest, with 30% asked within 24 hours. That rate drops to 23% among both Gen X and millennials, and to 9% among baby boomers.
• Among people who had never married, 27% got the money ask within 24 hours, the fastest of any relationship status group, compared with 15% of those in a relationship but not living together.
• Over half of romance scam victims (56%) never recovered a single dollar of what they lost. Gen X was hit hardest per victim, with an estimated average loss of $2,042. Baby boomers lost $1,861 on average, followed by millennials at $1,823 and Gen Z at $962.
• On average, men have lost 42% more than women to romance scams ($2,095 vs. $1,476).

The Emotional Cost Lasts Long After the Money Is Gone

• Since the scam, 76% of romance scam victims say they are more guarded in new relationships than they used to be, with women (85%) more likely than men (70%) to feel this way.
• 1 in 3 victims told no one they were scammed, and 74% hid the scam from their family. Men were more likely than women to say they told no one (36% vs. 30%).
• Among victims with a partner, 53% hid the scam from their partner, and men did so more often than women (58% vs. 48%).
• 64% of romance scam victims say the scam damaged their ability to trust anyone new.

Which States Report the Biggest Romance Scam Losses?

• Montana ranks first in the nation for reported losses from romance and relationship scams, losing $1,191,956 per 100,000 residents. Alaska ranks second ($958,937 per 100,000 residents), and Arizona is third ($752,619).

Top 15 States With the Largest Increase in Reported Romance and Relationship Scam Losses, From 2023 to 2025

1. California: +$58.3M ($100.6M to $158.9M)
2. Arizona: +$35.1M ($22.2M to $57.4M)
3. New York: +$29.9M ($30.2M to $60.2M)
4. Texas: +$25.1M ($54.1M to $79.2M)
5. Indiana: +$13.6M ($6.8M to $20.3M)
6. New Jersey: +$12.7M ($11.0M to $23.6M)
7. Florida: +$12.6M ($62.9M to $75.5M)
8. Montana: +$12.1M ($1.5M to $13.6M)
9. Tennessee: +$11.7M ($6.5M to $18.2M)
10. Pennsylvania: +$11.3M ($21.3M to $32.6M)
11. Virginia: +$10.0M ($15.1M to $25.1M)
12. Alabama: +$8.8M ($3.2M to $12.0M)
13. Missouri: +$7.3M ($11.4M to $18.6M)
14. Colorado: +$7.2M ($10.3M to $17.5M)
15. Illinois: +$6.9M ($19.0M to $25.8M)

States With the Smallest Increase in Reported Romance and Relationship Scam Losses, From 2023 to 2025

• Michigan: +$394K ($14.0M to $14.4M)
• Wyoming: +$571K ($170K to $741K)
• North Dakota: +$653K ($1.1M to $1.7M)
• New Hampshire: +$793K ($3.2M to $4.0M)
• Kansas: +$1.4M ($4.7M to $6.1M)
• Delaware: +$1.5M ($1.2M to $2.7M)
• Hawaii: +$1.7M ($2.9M to $4.6M)

States With the Decreases in Reported Romance and Relationship Scam Losses, From 2023 to 2025

• Idaho: −$2.4M ($6.9M to $4.5M)
• Connecticut: −$1.9M ($6.5M to $4.6M)
• Maine: −$955K ($2.6M to $1.7M)
• Washington: −$815K ($19.8M to $19.0M)
• New Mexico: −$806K ($6.0M to $5.2M)
• Vermont: −$307K ($1.0M to $705K)
• West Virginia: −$276K ($5.8M to $5.5M)
• Rhode Island: −$258K ($2.5M to $2.2M)

Methodology

Cloaked surveyed 1,013 U.S. adults who had been targeted by a romance scam about how the scam reached them and what it cost. The gender breakdown of respondents was 55% women, 43% men, and 2% non-binary or preferring not to answer. The generational breakdown was as follows: millennials (54%), Gen X (23%), Gen Z (18%), and baby boomers (5%). The survey also captured relationship status, with 33% married, 31% single and never married, 14% living with a partner, 11% separated or divorced, and 7% in a relationship but not living together. The survey was conducted in July 2026.

State-level figures come from the FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center's 2025 and 2023 annual reports and their accompanying state reports, using the Confidence/Romance crime type. IC3 defines this category as cases where an individual believes they are in a relationship, whether family, friendly, or romantic, and is tricked into sending money or items of value, and it includes grandparent and other relationship-based schemes alongside romance scams.

About Cloaked

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